f r e s h s t a r t

Saturday, May 31, 2003

 

My youngest sister Liz had her graduation openhouse/party thing today. (tomorrow is the boring ceremony at MSU's basketball arena) Besides setting up tables, running errands to purchase produce and ice, and making a photo display board for this lovely event, for me the openhouse meant lots of chit chat with both my Mom and Dad's extended families, friends from church, and other random family friends. The most obvious question they can think of to ask me is what I'm doing next. Depending on who they were and what my mood was I gave them different answers. Oh, just hanging out, I don't know. I'm substitute teaching. I'm subbing now, might do some temp work, and I'm looking for a job in Chicago, maybe grad school in a year or two. Prostitution, Grandma, it's the way to go.
Not to badmouth any of my extended family members, but I don't know, I just don't feel like I fit in with them in a lot of ways. I don't think that our politics or ideals really jive. We probably don't judge quality of life in the same way, let's say that. The relatives that I get along with best are my 40 year old cousin who's currently over in India and my 21 year old cousin who I've gone to Phish shows with and who plays disc golf. I get along with many of my relatives on a variety of levels, but you know, I don't really feel like they're part of my little emotional tribe, the people who I feel most connected to, the people whose advice and opinions I seek out, and whose feelings I care about.
I've discussed this with Quentin before, that despite whatever endearing personal qualities they may posess, the sheer volume of people that I'm related to makes it hard to care deeply about all of them. I have ten pairs of aunts and uncles and over thirty first cousins. I certainly feel affection for them all, but for whatever reason I've never been able to really care about a ton of people all at once. Throughout my life I've usually had a small group of close friends and then a larger group of people who I like and enjoy spending time with, but who I'm not as emotionally invested in. Is this weird?

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